In a stunning turn of events that has sent shockwaves through the perpetually outraged corners of the internet (and frankly, delighted everyone else), Bishop Bob Bumble, a notorious opponent of same-sex marriage, officiated the wedding of Britney Spears's long-lost cousin, Brenda, and her partner, a surprisingly agile accountant named Chad.

Bishop Bumble, known for his fiery sermons comparing homosexuality to 'eating artisanal cheese without crackers' (a truly heinous crime in his eyes), claimed a sudden, divine intervention – or possibly a particularly potent batch of communion wine – led him to preside over the ceremony. Sources close to the Bishop (who insist on remaining anonymous for fear of excommunication from his increasingly confused congregation) report that the entire event was a spectacular accident of epic proportions.

Brenda, resplendent in a sequined jumpsuit (because, duh, it's 2024), described the ceremony as 'surreal, fabulous, and frankly, a little bit terrifying.' Chad, meanwhile, seemed mostly concerned about the caterer’s failure to provide adequate gluten-free options. The reception, which featured a drag queen reciting Shakespeare and a surprisingly moving interpretive dance about the complexities of the patriarchy, was reportedly a glorious, chaotic mess – exactly the kind of event that would send Bishop Bumble into a full-blown, holy-roller meltdown…if only he could remember what he’d originally been so upset about.

Experts are baffled. Dr. Agnes Woke, a renowned sociologist specializing in the intersection of religious conservatism and sparkly shoes, commented, 'This is a prime example of the performative contradictions inherent in societal structures built on outdated, deeply homophobic dogma! It's like when that one influencer says they're all about body positivity, but only posts pictures of themselves wearing Spanx. Completely absurd, but somehow, totally understandable.'

Meanwhile, the internet has exploded with memes, ranging from perfectly normal pictures of Bishop Bumble looking bewildered to elaborate GIF sets depicting the Bishop’s transformation from homophobic crusader to enthusiastic officiant as a result of a 'gay gene awakening.' This, according to Keller, is simply evidence that even the most stubborn hearts can be softened by glitter and a good wedding cake.