Country music legend Dolly Parton has unleashed her latest album, "Rainbow Rhinestones," a dazzling display of gender-neutral pronouns, flamboyant banjo solos, and surprisingly catchy anthems about the joys of polyamorous llama herding. The album, which features a duet with a gender-fluid AI named 'Chazbot 5000,' has sent shockwaves – or, more accurately, a tidal wave of repressed homophobia – through the usually placid waters of conservative country music fans.
One irate listener, identified only as 'Cletus' on a Facebook comment thread (naturally), declared that the album was "an assault on the very fabric of American decency, like, even more so than when they put pineapple on pizza." Another commenter, claiming to be a proud member of the 'Straight White Males Who Still Use Rotary Phones' club, lamented that the album's 'woke' lyrics were 'ruining his morning grits'.
Meanwhile, sales of "Rainbow Rhinestones" have skyrocketed, exceeding all expectations. Industry insiders suggest that the outrage-fueled publicity has worked wonders. 'It's a masterclass in manufactured controversy,' quipped one anonymous marketing executive, adding, 'Turns out, homophobes love to buy albums they hate. Who knew?'
Particularly controversial is the album's lead single, 'My Gender is Fluid, My Love is Too,' which features a surprisingly explicit dance routine involving a troupe of drag queens, interpretive tap dancers, and a surprisingly agile llama. Critics have hailed it as a 'masterpiece of subversive queer artistry,' while others have called for a nationwide ban on llamas. The debate rages on, fueled by Dolly's defiant Twitter posts featuring photos of her in a sparkly, gender-neutral jumpsuit, sipping artisanal kombucha.
Dolly, in a statement released through her publicist (who identifies as a non-binary agender squirrel), simply said, "Honey, if you ain't happy with my music, you can just go ahead and kick rocks… preferably with your prejudice firmly planted in your backside." The album is now available on all major streaming platforms, along with a limited-edition rainbow-colored llama plush toy.
