In a shocking display of...well, something, Olympic sprinter Chad Thundercock (real name: Chad Chaderson) has publicly ridiculed the use of rainbow-colored jerseys in support of LGBTQ+ Pride month. 'Frankly, it's all a bit… flamboyant,' Chad thundered (no pun intended, we swear) during a press conference held in a surprisingly beige-toned room. 'Where’s the *strength* in pastels? Where's the *power* in pinks?'

Following this surprisingly un-subtle dig, Chad announced his own groundbreaking 'Pride' collection of athletic wear. The collection, exclusively featuring various shades of beige and entitled "Subtle Strength," includes: a beige singlet ('perfect for concealing your biceps while subtly flexing'), beige track pants ('the epitome of understated athleticism'), and a beige headband ('for when even the slightest hint of color is too much').

'This collection embodies true, unyielding masculinity,' Chad explained, gesturing emphatically at a beige sweatband. 'No frills, no fuss, just pure, unadulterated beige-ness. It speaks volumes, believe me.'

When asked about the complete lack of rainbow colors, Chad responded, 'Rainbows? Those are for unicorns and… other things. This is about *real* pride. The pride of… beige. The quiet pride of a perfectly pressed beige pair of track pants. You feel me?', he concluded, offering a thumbs-up which was surprisingly not beige. It was, in fact, a pale, almost-beige-but-not-quite shade of off-white. The fashion world is baffled.