Councilman Barry 'Bible-Thumper' Butterfield, known for his staunch opposition to 'the rainbow agenda' and his belief that glitter is the devil's confetti, found himself in a rather… *colorful* situation last Saturday. While vehemently protesting a local Pride parade (with a sign reading, ironically, 'Keep Pride Out of Our Parks!'), Butterfield somehow managed to stumble into the most gloriously flamboyant Pride block party the town had ever seen.
Initially, Butterfield, clad in his signature beige suit, attempted to shut down the festivities, claiming they were a 'blasphemous affront to God and traditional values.' However, his attempts were met with a chorus of enthusiastic 'yas queens!' and a spontaneous vogue-off that left him utterly bewildered. Then things took a turn... a very, *very* sparkly turn.
A rogue disco ball, apparently launched by a particularly enthusiastic drag queen named 'Bianca Del Rio-t,' struck Butterfield square in the face. The impact somehow dislodged his deeply-held homophobia, replacing it, apparently, with an insatiable love for glitter and ABBA. Eyewitnesses report Butterfield suddenly found himself twirling in a surprisingly adept manner, while simultaneously trying to teach a group of children how to properly apply iridescent eyeshadow.
'It was surreal,' says Brenda Higgins, a local baker known for her award-winning rainbow cupcakes. 'He went from yelling about Sodom and Gomorrah to demanding a microphone to belt out 'Dancing Queen.' The whole thing felt like a particularly fabulous fever dream.'
Butterfield, currently sporting a sequined sash that reads 'Ally,' has yet to comment publicly, though sources close to him suggest he is currently attempting to book a slot at the next Pride festival – perhaps using his newly discovered talent for interpretive dance. This unexpected turn of events has left the town scratching their heads, questioning whether the power of glitter is stronger than the will of a man—or perhaps just whether that disco ball was packing a *really* powerful punch. Regardless, the ensuing chaos was undeniably, fabulously, spectacularly gay, much to the delightful dismay of Councilman Butterfield and his former beliefs.
