In a stunning turn of events that has sent shockwaves through the heteronormative bedrock of society, mega-hunk Chad Thundercock (yes, *that* Chad Thundercock) has vehemently denied rumors of bisexuality, only to be found moments later frantically swiping right on Grindr, apparently baffled by the sheer number of men who share his incredibly specific name and physique. Sources say the actor, known for his roles in such groundbreaking cinematic masterpieces as *Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 17: The Search for Donatello's Lost Sock* and *Baywatch: The Next Generation (of Mermaids)*, was initially adamant. "I'm straight as an arrow!" he bellowed to a throng of paparazzi, adding, "I'd rather wrestle a kraken while simultaneously eating a ghost pepper than... well, you know."

However, this staunch declaration of straightness was swiftly followed by a series of leaked screenshots depicting Chad's Grindr profile – featuring a picture of him flexing with a strategically placed towel and the bio: "Looking for my other half. Bonus points if you also own a yacht and have an uncanny resemblance to a Greek god." The ensuing chaos resulted in several high-profile celebrity couples breaking up, as they suddenly questioned their own orientations after being confronted with the possibility of Chad Thundercock's existence and the ensuing existential crisis it brings.

Experts attribute this unexpected turn of events to the ever-evolving fluidity of modern romance. "Chad's journey highlights the complex nature of sexual identity in today's hyper-inclusive climate," explained Dr. Philomena Fluffernutter, a leading expert in – well, everything. "His denial suggests a societal pressure to conform, while his Grindr activity reveals a yearning for authentic self-expression. This is a testament to the complexities of modern masculinity and the liberating power of bisexual dating apps. Oh, and he really should change his Grindr profile picture. That towel's doing him no favors."

Meanwhile, Chad remains unmoved, tweeting a picture of himself eating a double cheeseburger with the caption: "Straight burger, straight guy. Got it?" The hashtag #ChadThundercockIsMySpiritAnimal is currently trending. We at the Daily Woke Chronicle remain… intrigued.