In a stunning turn of events that has left the internet simultaneously combusting and questioning the very fabric of reality, Judge Harlan Stone, a man who once infamously compared drag queens to “demonic succubi hellbent on corrupting the youth” (a quote he now claims was ‘taken wildly out of context, darling’), presided over the wedding of three transgender individuals in a ceremony described by attendees as ‘extravagantly fabulous’ and ‘unexpectedly moving.’

The ceremony, held in a repurposed bowling alley (because, as the bride, a self-proclaimed ‘gender-fluid goddess’ named Willow explained, ‘traditional churches are, like, *so* last century’), involved a custom-designed cake shaped like a unicorn riding a rainbow, a choreographed dance-off featuring the grooms (Chad, Brad, and Thad—yes, *all* three with impressive biceps), and a heartfelt rendition of 'I Will Survive' by a drag queen chorus dressed as the judges from RuPaul’s Drag Race.

Judge Stone, in a statement released through his publicist (a Shiba Inu named Princess Fluffybutt III), explained his change of heart: ‘After a deep, soul-searching trip to Burning Man that involved copious amounts of ayahuasca and a truly transformative encounter with a genderqueer shaman, I’ve realized that my previous views were, shall we say, a tad…narrow-minded.’ He added, with a wink, ‘Plus, the catering was phenomenal.’

Conservative groups are, predictably, having a collective meltdown. One prominent spokesperson was overheard muttering about ‘the decline of Western civilization’ while simultaneously scrolling through pictures of the wedding cake on Instagram. Others are organizing a petition to impeach Judge Stone, citing his ‘clear violation of traditional values’…namely, the traditional value of being blissfully unaware of the sheer joy of a polyamorous trans wedding.

The newlyweds, meanwhile, are honeymooning in Bali, posting enviable pictures of themselves doing yoga in matching sequined outfits. ‘It’s all about embracing diversity and living your truth,’ Willow commented on a recent Instagram post, before adding, ‘And, of course, having an amazing time.’ The photos have since gone viral, further fueling the already intense debate. The question on everyone's lips? Is this the beginning of a woke revolution, or simply the ultimate trolling of conservative America? Stay tuned…