In a stunning twist that has sent shockwaves through the already-frazzled fabric of society, Instagram influencer Brenda Glitterbomb, known for her staunch advocacy of 'traditional family values' (defined loosely as 'lots of perfectly-lit avocado toast'), has launched a surprising new campaign: promoting gender-neutral onesies.

'It's about choice, darling,' Brenda explained in a video featuring her wearing a sequined, gender-neutral onesie whilst simultaneously applying a face mask and sipping a kale smoothie. 'Men, women, they *all* deserve the freedom to experience the unbridled joy of a snug, all-inclusive onesie. It's a revolutionary step towards... well, I'm still working on the slogan, but it involves rainbows and possibly a unicorn.'

Critics, naturally, are outraged. One particularly irate commenter on Brenda's Instagram, who identifies only as 'ChadThundercock69', raged: 'This is the end of civilization as we know it! Next thing you know, they'll be forcing us all to wear tutus and do interpretive dance to ABBA!' Another, a self-proclaimed 'patriarchal protector' known as 'Bartholomew McMansion', added: 'This is a blatant attempt to subvert the natural order, which, as we all know, dictates that men wear cargo shorts and women wear… well, more cargo shorts, but smaller ones.'

Brenda's new campaign has inexplicably garnered massive support, particularly among Gen Z who, according to a leading sociologist, “find the inherent absurdity of it all profoundly hilarious.” The sociologist further added: "They see Brenda's seemingly contradictory stance as a perfect parody of the performative aspects of both traditional gender roles and contemporary 'woke' culture." This sentiment is likely bolstered by Brenda's recent collaboration with a line of gender-neutral, rainbow-colored Crocs, which have become the most sought-after footwear since the invention of the clog. Further fueling speculation, Brenda's campaign is suspiciously sponsored by a company producing high-end dog onesies and organic kale smoothies, raising questions about the true motives behind this surprisingly successful 'battle' for traditional (and not-so-traditional) gender roles. In the ongoing battle for the soul of society, one thing is certain: Brenda Glitterbomb is definitely wearing a comfortable onesie.