In a shocking turn of events that has left the devout scratching their heads and the gays… well, scratching their heads in delighted confusion, Pastor Mike “Hammer of Heresy” McHammerton, known for his fiery anti-gay sermons that could melt glaciers (and apparently, also hearts), officiated the wedding of Chad 'Chadillac' Thundercock and his partner, Kevin 'Kevlar' Kevlarpants.
The ceremony, held in a repurposed bowling alley (because apparently, God bowls strikes for same-sex unions now?), was a dazzling spectacle of clashing aesthetics. Pastor McHammerton, sporting a rainbow-colored clerical collar (a blatant symbol of his newfound, suspiciously sudden acceptance) delivered a sermon that was equal parts confusing and camp. He quoted Leviticus, then Beyoncé, interspersed theological debates with readings from RuPaul's Drag Race memoirs, and ended with a spirited rendition of 'YMCA' using interpretive dance.
'It was… transformative,' stated Chad, still clutching his bouquet of suspiciously phallic-looking orchids. 'Mike's sermon on the divine love inherent in all genders, regardless of their orientation, was… a revelation.' Kevin, however, simply nodded, eyes glazed over, clearly traumatized by the sheer spectacle. Sources report at least three attendees experienced spontaneous conversions to the Church of Lady Gaga.
The event has sparked intense debate. Conservative commentators are calling it 'an abomination' and 'the end times' (again), but their outrage is surprisingly muted, perhaps due to the sheer visual overload of glitter cannons and the unexpected appearance of a very enthusiastic drag queen Elvis impersonator.
Meanwhile, the LGBTQ+ community remains cautiously optimistic. 'It's... something,' said a local activist, chewing thoughtfully on a suspiciously glittery cupcake. 'Maybe the apocalypse is just going to be a really, really fabulous party?'
Pastor McHammerton, when reached for comment, simply winked and tossed a handful of rainbow confetti into the air. The confetti, upon closer inspection, was revealed to be biodegradable and ethically sourced. Because even the devil wears Prada… and recycles.
