In a stunning display of irony so thick you could spread it on toast and call it avocado, disgraced boxer, Chad Thundercock (yes, really), has responded to the recent unveiling of rainbow-colored athletic jerseys by launching his own ‘Straight Pride’ clothing line. The collection, which features an array of beige, off-white, and ‘slightly-less-off-white’ shades, has been met with…well, let’s just say it’s generated more confused head-scratching than actual support.
Thundercock, who previously claimed the rainbow jerseys were a ‘communist plot to make men wear dresses,’ unveiled the line in a press conference riddled with more awkward silences than a first date between two particularly shy cacti. ‘I’m not homophobic,’ he insisted, while simultaneously clutching a beige onesie that screamed ‘unintentionally hilarious.’ He further explained that the muted color palette represented ‘the natural, unadulterated masculinity of straight men,’ a concept that apparently involves a severe lack of pigment.
The collection, cleverly titled ‘Beige-tastic,’ includes items such as the ‘Straight-Laced Sweatpants,’ the ‘Monochromatic Muscle Tee,’ and the utterly perplexing ‘Subtle Shades of Straightness’ jogging suit. Fashion critics have declared the line ‘a masterpiece of unintentional comedy,’ with one noting that the color scheme could easily be mistaken for ‘a collection of old tea bags.’
But the real kicker? Thundercock is now being accused of blatant hypocrisy. A leaked photo shows him wearing a rainbow-colored unicorn onesie during a secret, late-night karaoke session. Sources say he sang a surprisingly soulful rendition of Whitney Houston's 'I Will Always Love You,' apparently forgetting he was supposed to be boycotting all things LGBTQIA+. The internet, naturally, has exploded with memes. We've even seen a few #BeigeLivesMatter hashtags – though we're not quite sure what those are about.
Perhaps the most ironic part of this whole debacle is that Chad's ‘Straight Pride’ line is already being adopted by the queer community as a form of subversive humor. ‘It’s so aggressively bland it’s become camp,’ one TikTok influencer pointed out. The memes, as expected, are legendary.
