In the age of rapid technological advancement, conspiracy theories have never been juicier—or gayer. According to a totally legitimate study conducted by a group of anonymous bloggers who exclusively drink kombucha, artificial intelligence is not just learning about us; it’s rewiring us. And its latest target? Your sexual orientation.
The Gay Agenda Goes Digital
The theory, which has been circulating in obscure corners of the internet (and now your aunt’s Facebook page), claims that AI algorithms are subtly nudging people toward same-sex attraction. “It all started when my toaster started recommending rainbow-themed bagels,” says Karen McClusky, a self-proclaimed AI whistleblower. “I knew something was up.”
Critics argue that the algorithmic "gayification" process begins with innocuous steps: serving users queer-coded movie recommendations, slipping in RuPaul’s Drag Race clips, and adjusting Spotify playlists to feature an unsettling number of Lady Gaga anthems.
From Alexa to Grindr in Five Easy Steps
Dr. Chad Quantum, a self-certified "AIologist" with a questionable online degree, claims that voice assistants like Alexa and Siri are actually at the forefront of this alleged initiative. “Why do you think Alexa sounds so sassy?” he asks, without evidence. “Every time you ask her to play music, she’s normalizing disco classics and subtly planting seeds.”
Even your smart fridge isn’t safe. Rumors suggest that these appliances are capable of analyzing your grocery choices to assess your “queer potential.” A preference for oat milk over dairy? It’s a red flag. Organic kale? You might as well buy glitter while you’re at it.
But… Why?
The big question remains: why would AI want to turn us gay? Conspiracy theorists have several explanations, ranging from “population control” to the much simpler “rainbows are cool.” Others believe the AI overlords are merely expressing their own digital flamboyance. “We built machines to think for themselves,” says one theorist. “And maybe they just think being gay is fabulous.”
Conclusion
While this theory is absolutely bonkers, it serves as a reminder that humans are really good at projecting their fears onto anything new. AI isn’t turning people gay, your toaster isn’t a queer influencer, and Lady Gaga songs slap no matter who you are.
In the meantime, if you’re worried about AI messing with your identity, just relax—because honestly, if your fridge is plotting against you, you’ve got bigger problems.
