In a twist more shocking than a Kylie Jenner lip kit refill, Pastor Mike Rivers, renowned for his fiery sermons denouncing the "rainbow menace" (his words, not ours – we prefer ‘joyful spectrum’), has inadvertently founded the most inclusive LGBTQ+ support group this side of the metaverse. Apparently, after a particularly vigorous sermon about the evils of same-sex marriage (which, according to witnesses, involved interpretive dance and a surprisingly accurate impression of a screeching peacock), Pastor Mike found himself unexpectedly swamped with calls from… well, everyone.

Turns out, his impassioned rhetoric struck a chord, albeit a very different one than intended. His ‘fiery pronouncements’ became memes, catapulting him to viral fame amongst the queer community who now see him as an unwitting icon of ‘unintentional ally’ status. The new group, lovingly dubbed "Mike's Misguided Miracles" (or 'MMM' for short, because, let's face it, everything needs an acronym these days), boasts members ranging from drag queens who’ve taken his sermons as avant-garde performance art to genderfluid activists who are using his archaic rhetoric to fuel their next TikTok trend.

One member, a non-binary baker named Willow, commented, "Pastor Mike’s sermon was so ridiculously over-the-top it looped back around to being utterly fabulous. I’m making a cake for the next meeting – it’s a three-tiered masterpiece representing his journey from homophobia to… well, let’s call it ‘unintentional fabulousness’."

Naturally, Pastor Mike is baffled. He’s holding crisis meetings in his study, which is now inexplicably decorated with rainbow streamers and a life-size cardboard cutout of RuPaul. Sources say he's considered incorporating a 'Drag Queen Story Hour' into his Sunday service, though we've been reliably informed his attempts to learn the 'sashay away' have been… less than successful. As one attendee put it, 'It was more 'shambles away', really.'

Stay tuned for more updates on this unfolding saga of accidental acceptance. Remember to follow us on Twitter, where we'll be live-tweeting the inevitable ‘pastor performs a death-drop’ moment. It’s gonna be legendary.