In a move that has left the internet simultaneously baffled and bewildered, Chad Thundercock, CEO of the aggressively beige corporation 'BeigeCorp', has banned all Pride merchandise from the office while simultaneously launching a line of rainbow-striped Crocs called 'Chad's Choice: A Celebration of…Things.'

Thundercock, in a statement released via carrier pigeon (because, apparently, email is too 'woke'), explained that the Pride ban was a necessary step to maintain 'a neutral and professional atmosphere.' However, he added, the vibrant footwear was 'a bold declaration of inclusivity', which is apparently achieved by plastering rainbows on a notoriously comfortable yet aesthetically questionable footwear option.

'It's about celebrating diversity in a subtle, yet undeniably flamboyant way,' he clarified, while sporting a shimmering gold power suit and a pair of the aforementioned rainbow Crocs. 'Think of it like this: it's like if 'The Price is Right' was hosted by RuPaul, only the prize is…comfort.'

Social media, naturally, exploded. Some hailed it as a masterpiece of ironic commentary on corporate performative allyship. Others questioned if Thundercock had accidentally ingested a vat of glitter. A surprisingly large number of people were simply preoccupied by the existential dread of imagining the inevitable TikToks of people doing the 'Croc-walk' in the controversial footwear.

'This is peak capitalism,' declared one Twitter user, 'Exploiting the rainbow for profit, yet simultaneously banning any actual expression of LGBTQ+ solidarity. It's truly…remarkable.'

Meanwhile, shares of BeigeCorp have skyrocketed, proving once again that truly baffling decisions can be incredibly lucrative. And as for Chad Thundercock himself, he can be found basking in the glory of his rainbow Crocs empire, undoubtedly plotting his next bizarre, yet somehow profitable, act of ‘inclusivity.’ Stay tuned; it’s likely to involve either a glitter cannon or a very large, very sparkly unicorn.