In a move that's simultaneously baffling and breathtakingly flamboyant, Mayor Mildred McMillan, known for her previously unremarkable beige aesthetic, has banned all rainbow decorations from city property – except, of course, her own office. The mayor's office is now a kaleidoscopic explosion of LGBTQ+ pride, featuring a ceiling painted to resemble a ‘gay-laxy’ (Millicent’s words, not ours, we swear!), walls dripping in glitter, and a life-sized cardboard cutout of RuPaul presiding over a meeting table made entirely of Skittles.

The ban, issued yesterday, cited concerns about 'visual clutter' and the potential for 'excessive happiness' to disrupt the city's 'sober productivity.' Critics, naturally, see it as a thinly veiled attempt to suppress the vibrant queer community, although the mayor claims it's just about maintaining a 'consistent brand identity.' (We're still trying to figure out what that identity is; maybe 'chaotic fabulousness'?)

One resident, Brenda, a 67-year-old retired librarian with a penchant for crocheting and conspiracy theories, expressed her bewilderment, stating: "First they came for the rainbows, then they came for...well, they came for the rainbows, but they put *more* rainbows in their office! It's like something out of a twisted, glitter-bombed version of Orwell's 1984, but with better fashion choices."

Meanwhile, local drag queens are staging a protest outside City Hall, demanding to be allowed to paint the entire building in rainbow hues, and threatening to launch glitter bombs if their demands aren't met. The mayor's office, however, remains stubbornly, and spectacularly, rainbow-fied. As the mayor herself put it in a press release accompanied by a video of her dramatically lip-syncing to 'Born This Way': "If you can't beat 'em, join 'em... then ban them from joining you, unless it's in your fabulous office. It's called strategic inclusivity, darlings." The city is now considering the addition of a rainbow-themed tax. For now, Brenda is crocheting a protest banner that says 'We're not amused, but we're fabulous'.