In a stunning display of… well, something, Pastor Ezekiel Bile, known for his fiery sermons against the ‘rainbow menace’ and his collection of ‘anti-woke’ Chia Pets, has launched a weekly support group called ‘Gayborhood Gladiators: A Support Group for the Supremely Fabulous.’ The irony, as thick as a Beyoncé remix at a pride parade, is almost too much for even the most seasoned woke warrior to handle.

Pastor Bile, whose previous sermons have included gems like comparing drag queens to ‘agents of Satan in sparkly stilettos’ and claiming that gender-affirming care is a gateway drug to… interpretive dance, insists this isn't a sudden conversion experience, but rather a ‘strategic maneuver’ in God’s master plan. 'These poor souls are lost sheep,' he confessed in a press conference held in a surprisingly lavender-colored tent, 'and who better to lead them back to the… well, to a more accepting path... than me?'

Attendees of the 'Gayborhood Gladiators' are reportedly treated to inspirational readings of Exodus (carefully edited, naturally), gluten-free cupcakes with rainbow sprinkles (donated by an anonymous 'friend'), and vigorous group discussions on topics like ‘navigating microaggressions from your own family at Thanksgiving’ and ‘crafting killer Instagram captions to subvert heteronormative expectations.’

One attendee, a flamboyant accountant named Chad Thundercock (yes, really), claimed the support group has helped him embrace his inner fabulousness and find the courage to finally confront his fear of wearing Crocs. ‘Pastor Bile is a visionary,’ Chad gushed, ‘a real trailblazer in the field of… uh… divinely-inspired LGBTQ+ acceptance.’

Meanwhile, the internet is ablaze with reactions. Some applaud Pastor Bile’s 'unexpected turn', others suspect a brilliantly orchestrated publicity stunt to bolster his dwindling congregation. But one thing's for sure: the sheer audacity of this situation is enough to make even the most jaded social commentator raise a perfectly manicured eyebrow and exclaim, 'Bless your heart.'