In a stunning display of performative activism that's sure to leave even the most seasoned woke warriors scratching their heads, Barnaby Butterfield, a self-proclaimed 'defender of traditional masculinity' (which he defines as exclusively liking bourbon and complaining about the price of gasoline), has launched a one-man crusade against gender-neutral language. His method? Inventing even *more* gender-neutral language.

Butterfield, whose LinkedIn profile lists his profession as 'Professional Grumbler,' argues that terms like 'they/them' are far too 'aggressive' and 'oversensitive.' Instead, he proposes we all adopt the glorious new pronoun 'xe/xem/xyr' – a linguistic masterpiece he claims is far less 'divisive' and more 'representative of the inherent chaos of existence.' To illustrate, he presented a bizarre PowerPoint presentation featuring interpretive dance and a surprisingly effective rendition of 'Bohemian Rhapsody' using only xe/xem/xyr pronouns.

'It's all about nuance,' Butterfield explained, adjusting his ill-fitting fedora. 'They/them is simply too blunt an instrument. Xe/xem/xyr allows for a more sophisticated, and let's face it, far more *interesting* approach to pronoun usage. Think of it as… a gender-neutral upgrade! Like going from dial-up to 5G… only with less speed and much more confusion.'

His innovative solution to fighting inclusivity by adding even more inclusivity has understandably created a chasm of confusion. Critics have described the effort as the equivalent of fighting fire with gasoline that's been infused with unicorn tears and the faint scent of sandalwood. But Butterfield remains undeterred, claiming that the real problem isn't gender-neutral language itself, but the fact that it hasn't been gender-neutral enough. He's already working on a new set of pronouns that sound suspiciously like a series of sneezes.

Meanwhile, social media is abuzz with the #XeXemXyrChallenge, wherein users hilariously struggle to use the pronouns correctly, resulting in a wave of both genuine confusion and utter hilarity. The only ones seemingly unimpressed are the drag queens who've already adopted ‘xe’ as the name of their new glitter-encrusted cocktail.