In a stunning display of corporate hypocrisy that's simultaneously breathtaking and nauseatingly predictable, MegaCorp CEO, Chad Thundercock (yes, really), has banned rainbow flags from company property while simultaneously hosting a private, ultra-exclusive 'Pride' celebration for select employees. Sources say the soiree, held in Chad's personal ‘man cave’ (apparently featuring a surprisingly extensive collection of Beanie Babies), included a drag show featuring RuPaul's very own 'Glamazon Prime' (a surprisingly affordable option, apparently), a rainbow-colored Jell-O shot competition judged by Chad himself, and a keynote speech titled 'Inclusivity: A Business Model, Not a Moral Imperative' (which, let's face it, is basically the same thing).

'It's about strategic inclusivity,' sputtered Chad's spokesperson, Brenda Glitterbomb, while attempting to delicately balance a glass of artisanal kombucha and a half-eaten gluten-free vegan sausage roll. 'We want to ensure that our Pride celebrations remain, uh, *intimate* to preserve the authenticity of our commitment. Obviously, public displays of…well, you know…are distracting from the bottom line.'

The move has sent shockwaves (mostly of delightful outrage) through social media. One particularly sharp comment read: 'So, like, we gotta hide the rainbows to protect the precious straight fragility while secretly celebrating them? Genius level trolling, Chad! Give that man a raise…in rainbow-colored glitter.'

Critics argue that this strategy perfectly captures the modern corporate approach to LGBTQ+ inclusivity: a carefully curated marketing strategy designed to maximize profits while minimizing genuine allyship. Several employees have reported sightings of a mysterious 'straight-ally' escape tunnel beneath Chad's office, presumably for quick getaways when the 'Pride' celebrations get a little *too* loud. The investigation continues... or maybe not. It's Friday, and happy hour just started.

This entire situation, quite frankly, is less a genuine effort at inclusion and more like a delicious, rainbow-flavored, passive-aggressive dig at the very idea of genuine social progress. And we’re here for it.