In a shocking twist that has sent shockwaves (and glitter) through the usually staid town of Harmony Creek, Mayor Mildred McMillan, known for her 'traditional values' and suspiciously well-manicured lawn, has been revealed to be a closet rainbow warrior. Following the highly publicized – and frankly, baffling – cancellation of this year's Pride festivities (cited reason: 'too much glitter attracts squirrels'), a whistleblower, who wishes to remain anonymous but identifies only as 'Sparkle McMuffin,' leaked incriminating evidence: photographs of the Mayor personally supervising the installation of *gigantic* rainbow-themed sculptures across the town square.
These aren't your grandma's rainbow flags. We're talking colossal, shimmering structures that would make even RuPaul's Drag Race werkroom blush. One particularly eye-catching piece, tentatively titled 'The Gay Agenda: A Monument to Inclusivity' (or, as the Mayor's assistant, bless his cotton socks, insists, 'The Joyful Arch of Community Spirit'), features a 30-foot-tall unicorn wielding a giant paintbrush dripping with every color imaginable.
McMillan's explanation? 'It's... uh... art. Public art! Promoting community cohesion through... abstract expressionism. The squirrels aren't really a problem. It's the pigeons I'm worried about.' This statement was followed by a visibly unconvincing cough and a sudden, desperate search for her suspiciously rainbow-colored smelling salts.
The revelation has ignited a firestorm of debate. Local resident and outspoken 'values voter' Barnaby Butterfield declared, "This is an outrage! Next thing you know, they'll be teaching children the difference between a gender-fluid unicorn and a cisgender pegasus!" Meanwhile, the LGBTQ+ community is, predictably, in a state of delightful confusion bordering on ecstatic disbelief. One resident, identified only as 'Chadwick,' summed it up perfectly: "Honey, the shade! The sheer, unapologetic, rainbow-fueled SHADE! I'm living!"
In other news, Mayor McMillan is reportedly considering a city-wide ban on beige, which some speculate is a continuation of her clandestine rainbow campaign.
Stay tuned for further developments, or at least, the inevitable arrival of more sparkly, squirrel-attracting artwork.
