In a move that has left the internet simultaneously baffled and mildly aroused (in a purely platonic, supportive way, of course), Cecil B. DeMille Jr., CEO of the notoriously straight-laced DeMille Drilling company, has banned all LGBTQ+ employees while simultaneously donating a cool million dollars to the 'Gay For Cupcakes' charity.

"It's a win-win," DeMille Jr. explained in a press conference that opened with a surprisingly enthusiastic rendition of 'YMCA'. "I'm purging the company of those… *vibrant* individuals while simultaneously demonstrating my unwavering commitment to… uh… *their* cause. Think of it as a corporate cleanse! Like a colonoscopy for the soul, but instead of polyps, we're removing… well, let's just say ‘differences.’"

The move has sparked a flurry of think pieces, memes, and heated debates on Twitter, with many questioning whether this is a sophisticated form of performative allyship or just plain old-fashioned homophobia with a charitable side hustle. One particularly sharp commentator, @QueerlyBeloved, tweeted, "Is this like when your homophobic uncle buys you a rainbow-colored scarf after calling you a ‘degenerate’? The gift is nice, but the intention? Questionable at best, fabulous at worst."

Meanwhile, Gay For Cupcakes, a charity dedicated to baking delicious treats and fostering a sense of community within the LGBTQ+ community, remains tight-lipped about the donation. A spokesperson, who identified themselves only as ‘Cupcake’ (for legal reasons), simply stated: "We accept donations from all sources, even those who believe ‘gender is a social construct’ is just a really elaborate way of saying ‘I don't understand trans people.’"

DeMille Drilling’s stock has, unsurprisingly, skyrocketed. Analysts attribute this to either the public's fascination with the bizarre situation or the fact that the company is now, apparently, a LGBTQ+-employee-free zone, which some investors mistakenly believe boosts productivity. They haven't factored in the collective outrage of the fired employees, who, sources say, are now baking their own cupcakes and plotting their revenge. Stay tuned.