In a twist more shocking than a gender reveal party gone wrong, conservative darling Tucker Carlson headlined the annual "Drag Queen Story Hour: Advanced Level" event in Boise, Idaho. The event, known for its progressive leanings and questionable taste in glitter, saw Carlson, surprisingly, not denounce but *embrace* the rainbow-hued chaos. Sources say his speech, titled "The Patriotism of Pancake Makeup," was peppered with surprisingly nuanced observations on the importance of self-expression, even if that expression involves six-inch heels and a penchant for dramatic eyeshadow.

Attendees described a scene straight out of a fever dream: Carlson, in a surprisingly well-fitting sequined jumpsuit (rumored to be a vintage Elton John piece), passionately arguing the merits of gender fluidity while subtly adjusting his toupee. One attendee, a self-described "moderate Republican drag queen" named Chad Chadlington, claimed, "I was expecting a full-blown culture war, but instead, I got a surprisingly compelling lecture on the economics of feather boas. It was...woke. Shockingly, woke."

The event concluded with a rousing rendition of "YMCA", during which Carlson reportedly attempted a full-split, resulting in a minor wardrobe malfunction that sent the crowd into a fit of delighted shrieks. Critics, predictably, lost their minds. A statement from the National Organization for the Moral Straightening of America called the event "a blatant attack on the sanctity of the heterosexual gaze," and demanded the immediate banning of all sequined jumpsuits. However, preliminary sales figures indicate that sequined jumpsuit sales have surged by 300%. The irony, as they say, is as delicious as a gluten-free, vegan, ethically sourced rainbow cupcake.