In a shocking twist that has left the perpetually outraged sputtering into their oat lattes, Mildred McMillan, a teacher previously known for her passionate opposition to LGBTQ+ clubs (and her suspiciously extensive collection of crocheted doilies), has not only started an LGBTQ+ club at Willow Creek High, but has become its biggest fan.

Initially, McMillan, whose classroom decor could best be described as 'early-stage beige', launched the 'Observational Group for Questionable Youth Activities' (OGQYA – pronounced 'oh-gee-qua'), intending to monitor the 'deplorable influence' of the existing Gay-Straight Alliance (GSA). Armed with a clipboard, a magnifying glass, and a concerning amount of hand sanitizer, she envisioned exposing the GSA's supposed 'indoctrination' tactics.

Instead, she discovered glitter. Lots and lots of glitter. And, more surprisingly, genuine joy.

What started as a clandestine observation quickly devolved into enthusiastic participation. McMillan, who previously referred to drag queens as 'visual assaults', found herself captivated by the GSA's drag show fundraiser – particularly by Chad 'Chadwick' Bonquish's lip-sync performance of 'Dancing Queen'. She even contributed a surprisingly flamboyant crocheted tiara to the auction. ('It was therapeutic,' she confessed, blushing).

'I had preconceived notions,' McMillan admitted, while sporting a newly acquired rainbow-colored sweater. 'Preconceived notions that were, to put it mildly, utterly, hilariously wrong. These kids aren't indoctrinating anyone; they're creating a safe space, a community, and honestly, the best damn homemade cookies I've ever tasted.' The OGQYA, now rebranded as the 'Openly Gay, Questionably Awesome Youth Association' (OGQAYA), is planning a joint bake-off with the GSA.

Conservative parents are understandably furious, clutching their pearls and threatening lawsuits. 'It's an outrage!' cried one parent, whose child is now actively campaigning for gender-neutral bathrooms. 'My little Timmy's learning to vogue! This is the end of civilization as we know it!'

But for McMillan, it's just the beginning. She's already planning a Pride float for the upcoming town parade, featuring a giant, glitter-encrusted crocheted unicorn. And no, she's not taking suggestions on how to tone it down. Because apparently, the only thing more dangerous than a woke teacher is a woke teacher who finally gets woke.