In a stunning twist that's less 'Law & Order' and more 'RuPaul's Drag Race: Courtroom Edition,' Judge Thaddeus 'Chad' Worthington has been secretly revealed to be a champion of trans rights, but only after dismissing a series of LGBTQ+ cases. Sources say Chad, a man whose fashion choices are described as 'somewhere between a Muppet and a power suit,' feels the initial cases were 'too vanilla' for his refined palate of progressive justice.
"These cases were just... pedestrian," a confidential source, who wishes to remain anonymous for fear of Chad's meticulously curated collection of Beyoncé concert tickets, whispered. "He needs the drama, darling. Think 'Real Housewives of the Supreme Court' level drama. Apparently, filing a lawsuit based on simple discrimination isn't 'extra' enough for Judge Worthington. He wants a full-blown gender reveal party with a legal twist!"
The dismissed cases involved everything from denial of service to blatant homophobia, but apparently, didn't meet Chad's strict criteria for 'sufficient fabulousness.' One case involved a bakery refusing to bake a cake with a rainbow-colored gender reveal design - Chad deemed it 'too predictable.' Another, involving a trans woman being denied access to a women's restroom, was dismissed because, according to our source, "the plaintiff's eyeshadow wasn't bold enough to warrant his attention." Apparently, the judge is developing a side hustle as a drag queen coach in his spare time, judging the litigants based on their overall ‘fierceness’.
However, Chad's secret life as a trans-rights activist has been uncovered through leaked emails, showing him coordinating secret meetups with the likes of Laverne Cox and Elliot Page to discuss advanced strategies for societal inclusion. He allegedly uses the pseudonym 'Chadwick Sparklebottom' in these clandestine communications. The irony, of course, is delicious.
This is not the first time Judge Worthington's flamboyant leanings have sparked intrigue. Rumours of him secretly judging the annual Miss Gay America pageant in his chambers have circulated for years. We have yet to receive confirmation, though we have heard he's very particular about the length of the contestant's sashes.
Meanwhile, LGBTQ+ activists are reportedly planning a protest outside Chad's chambers, demanding he 'step up his fabulous game' in the courtroom, and also, you know, actually rule in favour of their cases. Stay tuned; this is sure to be one for the history books (the sparkly, gender-fluid ones, naturally).
