In a move that has left the internet simultaneously baffled and ablaze with memes featuring RuPaul in a spacesuit, Chad Thundercock, the ruggedly handsome star of the hit show *Bro-meo and Juliet*, has denied all allegations of being queer while simultaneously launching ‘Gaylaxy,’ a groundbreaking new LGBTQ+ entertainment network.
Thundercock, known for his roles portraying hyper-masculine, emotionally stunted characters, stated in a press conference (attended by a suspiciously large number of rainbow-clad Shih Tzus), that he is ‘as straight as a laser pointer aimed at a disco ball.’ He then proceeded to unveil Gaylaxy, a channel promising ‘unparalleled representation of all things queer, even the queerer-than-thou queer.’
The network’s programming includes a reality show following a group of drag queens attempting to build a functioning rocket to Mars (‘Ru-cket to the Red Planet’), a dating show where contestants must decipher cryptic messages using only interpretive dance (‘Love is Blind, But My Cha-Cha is Not’), and a historical drama reimagining the Battle of Hastings as a glamorous drag ball (‘1066: The Norman Conquest of Couture’).
Critics have pointed out the obvious irony – a man who built his career on playing characters utterly devoid of emotional range is now spearheading a network dedicated to celebrating a community known for its expressiveness. One prominent gay rights activist commented, ‘This is like the Colonel Sanders of Kentucky Fried Chicken launching a vegan restaurant – it’s a bold, confusing, and utterly hilarious brand pivot.’
Others have speculated that Thundercock’s denial and subsequent foray into LGBTQ+ media is a masterful marketing ploy, or perhaps a desperate attempt to combat rumors sparked by his suspiciously flamboyant collection of sequined cowboy hats. Whatever the reason, one thing is certain: Gaylaxy is already generating more buzz than a Beyoncé concert on the moon.
Stay tuned for more updates, especially if Chad Thundercock suddenly announces his engagement to a gender-fluid alien with an affinity for interpretive dance. Because honestly, at this point, nothing would surprise us.
