In a shocking turn of events that has sent ripples of pearl-clutching through the heartland, Congressman Bartholomew Buttersworth, known for his staunchly traditional views, was caught red-handed…or rather, red-sequinned… at a drag brunch. Sources say the Congressman, usually seen sporting a beige suit and a frown line deeper than the Mariana Trench, was spotted sashayin' down the brunch buffet line, a mimosa in one hand and a suspiciously sparkly napkin in the other.

Witnesses claim Buttersworth was ‘living his best life,’ enthusiastically participating in a lip-sync battle to Lizzo’s “About Damn Time” – a performance that, according to one attendee, involved more pelvic thrusts than a Pilates class for chiropractors. He even, and we can barely contain our collective gasp, attempted a death drop (with less grace than a hippopotamus on roller skates, admittedly).

The political fallout has been, shall we say, *dramatic*. Buttersworth’s campaign manager, a woman whose expression suggests she’s perpetually chewing on a lemon, released a statement claiming it was all a ‘misunderstanding’ – a ‘misunderstanding’ that involved copious amounts of bottomless mimosas and a suspiciously close relationship with a drag queen named ‘Diamond DeVille’ (who, coincidentally, bears a striking resemblance to Buttersworth’s long-lost estranged sister who left for San Francisco to become a veterinarian for exotic birds... but we digress).

Conservative pundits have exploded in a flurry of outrage, decrying the brunch as a ‘sanctuary for the sexually deviant’ and a ‘gateway to socialism’. One particularly flustered commentator likened the event to the ‘fall of Rome’ – possibly triggered by a particularly flamboyant feather boa.

Meanwhile, the LGBTQ+ community is celebrating the event as a sign of the apocalypse… the *good* kind, of course. The apocalypse where outdated views finally get dragged (pun intended) into the dustbin of history. As Diamond DeVille herself put it, ‘Honey, the only thing more shocking than Bartholomew at brunch is Bartholomew *not* realizing he was having the time of his life.’ The investigation continues. And so does the drag show. Get your tickets now! (Buttersworth’s campaign funds mysteriously increased by 200% after the brunch. Coincidence? We think not!).