Hollywood's resident heartthrob, Brad Pitt, has sent shockwaves (and possibly a few strategically placed glitter bombs) through the entertainment industry. After vehemently denying persistent bisexual rumors – rumors he dismissed as 'fake news spread by woke soy latte-sipping liberals' – Pitt has inexplicably joined the cast of 'RuPaul's Drag Race: All-Stars – Season 1000'.

Sources close to the actor (who wished to remain anonymous, lest they be 'canceled' for their heteronormative beliefs) claim that Pitt’s decision stemmed from a profound 'spiritual awakening' during a three-hour-long meditation retreat focused on the liberating power of gender-fluid sequins. Others speculate it's a calculated career move, designed to appeal to the increasingly powerful LGBTQ+ demographic and their surprisingly large disposable income.

"It's all very… fluid," mumbled Pitt's publicist, Brenda, during a hastily scheduled press conference held in a yurt decorated with rainbow boas. "Brad's embracing his inner… uh… inner… something. Look, we're just happy he's finally stopped saying 'that's gay' when describing things he doesn't like. Small victories," she added, wiping away a single tear.

The internet, naturally, has exploded. Conservative commentators are reportedly having meltdowns so severe they’ve caused a nationwide shortage of prune juice. One particularly vocal critic, a self-proclaimed 'patriot' who tweets exclusively from his mother's basement, described the news as "the final nail in the coffin of Western civilization… and also, those drag queens are way too flamboyant for my taste."

Meanwhile, the producers of 'RuPaul's Drag Race' are reportedly ecstatic. 'We've always wanted a straight, white male to experience the true meaning of self-expression,' RuPaul herself stated, via a tweet written in 24-karat gold leaf. 'Now, if we could only get Tucker Carlson to guest judge… that would really shake things up!'

Regardless, one thing is certain: get ready for a season of 'Drag Race' that will be so shockingly inclusive, it will make your grandma's dentures spontaneously combust.