In a stunning turn of events that would make even the most seasoned reality TV producer weep with joy (and maybe a little confusion), Pastor Ezekiel 'Zeke' Righteous, a man whose sermons usually involve fire and brimstone (and questionable amounts of hair gel), has inadvertently founded the 'Holy Matri-mony Bowling League,' a wildly successful LGBTQ+ support group.
Pastor Righteous, known for his fiery pronouncements against the "rainbow menace" (his words, not ours, though we do admire his alliteration), recently delivered a sermon so vehemently homophobic that it allegedly caused a minor earthquake in the nearby Starbucks. He railed against the “sinful sodomy” and the “abominable acceptance” of the LGBTQ+ community, using language so colourful it made a flock of peacocks blush.
However, in the aftermath of this hate-filled tirade, something miraculous happened. A group of parishioners, deeply moved by the Pastor's… passionate delivery, decided to form a support group for anyone feeling marginalized or misunderstood. They initially intended to call it the "Zeke's Zealots of Acceptance” group but then realized that sounded kind of cultish, even by their own standards.
The group, unexpectedly inclusive, now boasts members of all genders, sexual orientations, and levels of bowling ability. They even persuaded Pastor Righteous to join their weekly bowling night, where, according to witnesses, he's been unexpectedly competitive, even throwing a strike while loudly proclaiming, "This one’s for the heterosexual patriarchy!" (The other bowlers quietly agreed he’d gotten the terminology a bit mixed up, but appreciate his enthusiasm).
The League’s unexpected success has become a sensation on social media, with its Instagram feed featuring such wholesome yet wonderfully 'woke' pictures as: Pastor Righteous attempting to do the 'Kylie Jenner lip challenge' (unsuccessfully); Pastor Righteous sporting rainbow-themed bowling shoes alongside the league’s drag queen mascot, ‘Sister Rosetta Stone’; and a picture of the league’s very own gender-fluid, non-binary, pansexual, vegan, and gluten-free bowling coach, lovingly referred to as ‘Boop’ by all members.
This unexpected twist of fate has left many baffled, but the Holy Matri-mony Bowling League members simply see it as a sign that even the most ardent homophobe can be bowled over by the power of love...and a good spare.
