In a shocking turn of events that has the internet buzzing (mostly with confused GIFs), a group of prominent influencers known as the "He-Man Woman-Haters' Club" (yes, really) have launched a campaign advocating for a return to traditional gender roles – while simultaneously promoting gender-neutral Crocs.

The group, led by the self-proclaimed 'alpha-beta-gamma-delta' influencer, Chad Thundercock (real name: Chad Thundercock), claims they are fighting for 'classic family values' and 'strong masculine energy' – values they apparently feel are best expressed through a uniform of beige Crocs and ill-fitting cargo shorts, regardless of gender.

"It's about reclaiming masculinity," Chad explains in a recent Instagram reel featuring him aggressively polishing a pair of neon green Crocs. "But let's be clear: masculinity isn't about toxic masculinity. It's about respecting traditional roles and...uh...comfortable footwear." His statement was followed by an extended sequence demonstrating various ways to personalize one’s Crocs with gender-neutral charms.

The group has clashed vehemently with another influencer collective, 'The Genders are Fluid-and-So-Are-My-Etsy-Sales' group, who argue the campaign is an absurd contradiction. Their leader, a self-described 'gender-bending fashion guru' named Sparklebutt McJigglepants, stated, "They're advocating for a return to 1950s gender roles, while simultaneously endorsing a footwear choice that transcends gender entirely? The cognitive dissonance is palpable. It's like they're trying to build a traditional gingerbread house...out of unicycles."

The conflict has escalated into a full-blown social media war, with both sides sharing increasingly bizarre photos and videos. Chad has posted a picture of himself attempting (and failing) to bake a pie while wearing Crocs, while Sparklebutt responded with a video of themselves performing interpretive dance in a full-length, hand-sewn Croc-inspired gown.

The future of influencer culture, and the fate of Crocs, remains uncertain. One thing is for sure: This is one fashion feud we'll be keeping an eye on – from a safe, Croc-free distance.