In a twist more shocking than a gender-reveal party gone wrong (think exploding glitter cannons and a spontaneous interpretive dance-off), Chad Thundercock, the notoriously homophobic action star known for his roles in films like *American Sniper: Reloaded* and *Jesus Christ: Gunfighter*, has not only starred in, but apparently *enjoyed*, a new LGBTQ+ rom-com titled *My Trans Boyfriend's Unicorn Farm*. Sources say Chad's performance as Barnaby, a closeted, emotionally stunted alpaca farmer who finds love with a genderfluid unicorn named Sparklehoof, is 'Oscar-worthy' – at least according to the producers who are reportedly already planning a sequel titled *Barnaby's Bisexual Awakening: A Christmas Carol Parody*.
This unexpected career move has sent shockwaves through the conservative community. One particularly flustered spokesperson for the 'God Hates Fags' movement (whose name we won't mention because we’re big on supporting the free speech of even those who hate free speech) called Chad's actions 'an abomination', adding, 'He used to be a real man's man! Now he's… *bi*… I don't understand it.' Ironically, their outrage has only boosted the film's ticket sales. Reports suggest that evangelical groups are now buying up bulk tickets to 'pray the gay away' – from their seats.
Meanwhile, Chad, surprisingly sporting a rainbow-striped bandana and glitter eyeshadow, insists he's 'always been open-minded,' stating in a recent interview with *Vogue*: 'I just needed to discover my inner Sparklehoof. It's about embracing your true self, baby! Unless your true self hates glitter…then maybe stick to the leather. But seriously, embrace your inner unicorn!' His agent confirmed that multiple film offers have flooded in since the rom-com launch, ranging from a role in the next *Magic Mike* sequel to a starring role in the stage production of *The Vagina Monologues* (Chad's audition reportedly involved interpretive interpretive dance...with the aforementioned alpaca).
The sudden pivot, however, remains a mystery. Speculation ranges from a massive existential crisis fueled by too much kale and meditation to a carefully orchestrated publicity stunt designed to make millions off the outraged cries of homophobes. Either way, one thing's clear: Chad Thundercock has found a new target demographic – and they're fabulous.
