In a stunning display of unintentional irony that would make even Oscar Wilde blush, CEO Bartholomew Butterscotch III, known for his staunch opposition to 'all this rainbow nonsense,' has unveiled his company's new headquarters – a dazzling, technicolor testament to everything he supposedly despises. Butterscotch, whose public pronouncements against Pride Month involved phrases like 'preposterous parade of perversion' and 'a blatant assault on traditional values,' reportedly 'lost a bet' that led to the construction of the building.
The structure itself is a kaleidoscope of colors, boasting a rainbow-hued exterior, internal walls dripping with glitter, and a rooftop garden featuring a life-sized sculpture of RuPaul in a triumphant pose. Employees report finding gender-neutral bathrooms stocked with artisanal lavender-scented soaps and free drag queen storytime sessions every Tuesday. 'It's...unexpected,' mumbled one employee, clutching a rainbow-colored stress ball shaped like a unicorn.
Butterscotch, when confronted with the vibrant spectacle, attempted to downplay the situation, muttering something about 'aesthetically pleasing spectrum optimization' and 'strategic branding for the millennial demographic.' This, however, was swiftly drowned out by the joyous squeals of employees who were using the building's newly installed pride-themed slide that leads directly into the company's organic kombucha bar.
Social media has exploded with reactions. While some conservatives are reportedly having existential crises induced by the sheer volume of rainbow-themed everything, LGBTQ+ activists are questioning whether the forced rainbow-ification constitutes 'rainbow-washing' – a term coined, ironically, by a marketing consultant who happens to be a self-proclaimed 'straight ally' who now uses they/them pronouns, and whose favorite band is ABBA.
The saga continues, and experts are now debating whether Butterscotch's spectacularly backfired protest is a work of genius, a case of divine intervention, or just a really, really expensive accident. One thing is certain: it's definitely more flamboyant than a Cher concert.
