In a stunning display of judicial inconsistency that would make even a seasoned legal eagle flap its wings in bewildered confusion, Judge Prudence P. Prim, known for her famously sensible beige cardigans, banned all drag events within the city limits while simultaneously binge-watching the award-winning drag documentary, 'Paris Is Burning,' on her new, state-of-the-art smart fridge. Sources say she was particularly captivated by the legendary Pepper LaBeija's legendary death drop.
"It's simply…too much," Judge Prim reportedly mumbled between bites of a kale smoothie, her perfectly symmetrical eyebrows furrowed in what some legal scholars are interpreting as a profound internal battle between her deeply ingrained prejudices and the undeniable charisma of Dorian Corey.
The ruling, which came after a particularly vigorous Zumba class (sources say she was attempting the 'Kylie Jenner' choreography), has sparked outrage within the local LGBTQ+ community and beyond. One activist, identified only as 'Crystal Methyd's Cousin twice removed,' called the decision 'peak hypocrisy' and demanded an immediate review, suggesting the judge might be secretly in cahoots with a clandestine organization of ultra-conservative, yet surprisingly fashionable, penguins.
Meanwhile, legal experts are baffled. "It's unprecedented," stated Professor Quentin Quibble of the prestigious Harvard Law School (while simultaneously sporting a rainbow-colored tie-dye t-shirt), "to ban drag while simultaneously consuming a documentary that celebrates drag. It's like banning hamburgers while simultaneously gorging on a double cheeseburger with extra bacon. It just doesn't compute!"
However, whispers of a potential alternative explanation are swirling: Judge Prim is, in fact, ‘Lady Justice’ in drag, and the whole ban is a brilliantly elaborate performance art piece designed to expose the absurdity of homophobia. Whether this is true or not remains a juicy, and potentially very litigious, question. Stay tuned for further developments, or at least until the next episode of Judge Prim's unlikely smart-fridge viewing schedule. Perhaps she'll move onto 'RuPaul's Drag Race: All Stars.' The suspense is killing us, softly.
