In a stunning turn of events that has sent shockwaves through the heteronormative Hollywood establishment, heartthrob Chad Thundercock (yes, *that* Chad Thundercock) has vehemently denied rumors of his bisexuality – only to be subsequently caught red-handed downloading Grindr, a dating app renowned for its… *robust* selection of men. Sources say his phone also displayed a browser history that suggests extensive research into the art of scissoring, specifically involving techniques utilizing artisanal olive oil and a surprisingly extensive knowledge of ancient Greek mythology.

"It's all a big misunderstanding!" Thundercock sputtered to paparazzi outside his Beverly Hills mansion, his perfectly sculpted jawline momentarily quivering. "I only downloaded Grindr to… uh… research for a *role*. Yes, a *role* that involves exploring the complex emotional landscape of a bisexual… uh… *astronaut*. It's method acting, people! You wouldn't understand. You're probably all cis-normative, heteronormative… *normies*. I'm very complex."

Experts are baffled. "This is unprecedented," stated Dr. Penelope Pepperbottom, a leading expert in the newly recognized field of 'Celebrity Sexuality Studies'. "Denying your bisexuality while simultaneously engaging in behaviors that strongly suggest… well, bisexuality… is a bold new level of performative allyship. He's practically writing a dissertation on the fluidity of sexual identity through Grindr searches. I’m commissioning a study immediately."

The olive oil, however, remains a mystery. While some speculate it's a crucial component to the 'astronaut scissoring technique', others suggest it's simply a Chad Thundercock signature move – his latest attempt to stay ahead in the increasingly competitive world of hyper-masculine, bisexual, olive oil-obsessed, method-acting Hollywood. Stay tuned for further updates on this ongoing saga of epic proportions. Someone alert RuPaul! This is going to be a whole episode of Drag Race.