In a move that has left the LGBTQ+ community simultaneously baffled and incandescent with rage (mostly baffled), Mayor Mildred McMillan of Pleasantville, Ohio, has announced the cancellation of this year's Pride parade. Fear not, however, rainbow-flag enthusiasts! In a stunning display of… something… the Mayor has declared the rainbow flag the official city logo, stating, "This way, we celebrate Pride *every single day*! It's much more inclusive, don't you think? Like, inclusively constant!"

Critics, however, have described the decision as "peak performative allyship," noting that the vibrant rainbow now adorns everything from sewage covers to the town's surprisingly phallic water tower. One resident, a disgruntled former beauty pageant contestant named Tiffany Trumpington (yes, really), was quoted as saying, "I’m confused. I thought the point of Pride was, like, the parade and the cute boys in short shorts? Now it's just…constant rainbows? Is that even legal? My lawyer, Chad Chadlington, Esquire, is looking into it."

Further fueling the controversy is the Mayor’s insistence on using only gender-neutral pronouns when referring to the new logo. "It identifies as a symbol of unity," she explained in a press conference that was unfortunately overshadowed by the aggressively cheerful chirping of a rogue flock of rainbow-colored parakeets. One local bakery, "Betty's Buns," has already begun selling rainbow-colored bagels, further blurring the line between celebration and overwhelming sensory overload.

Meanwhile, several members of the local chapter of the Knights of Columbus have been observed staring intently at the newly-rainbowed water tower, muttering something about "spiritual warfare" and "the unholy union of color." Their spokesman, a Mr. Bartholomew Bigglesworth III, declined to comment, but was seen purchasing a large quantity of rainbow-colored sprinkles from Betty's Buns. The symbolism remains unclear.

This leaves us with one pressing question: Is the constant, inescapable bombardment of rainbow imagery truly a celebration of diversity, or merely a thinly veiled attempt to subtly brainwash the population into unquestioning acceptance of… more rainbows? Only time (and probably Chad Chadlington, Esquire) will tell.