In a shocking turn of events that has left the nation simultaneously gasping and gagging, renowned conservative leader Bartholomew Butterscotch, infamous for his staunch opposition to Drag Story Hour, has unexpectedly launched a wildly successful career as a drag storyteller.

Butterscotch, previously known for his fiery rhetoric against the ‘rainbow menace’ and his passionate belief that children should only be exposed to the 'traditional values' of straight, white, and cisgendered people (preferably those who also have a deep appreciation for beige cardigans), has seemingly undergone a dramatic metamorphosis.

His debut performance, titled "The Constitution: A Very Drag Queen Story," featured Butterscotch in a dazzling sequined gown (rumored to be made from repurposed MAGA hats), lip-syncing to Dolly Parton's "9 to 5" while simultaneously interpreting the Bill of Rights through the lens of gender fluidity and the power of self-expression. Reviews have been...mixed, with one critic describing it as 'a fever dream of judicial robes and glitter glue,' and another calling it 'the most aggressively conservative performance art I've ever witnessed.'

"I've seen the error of my ways," Butterscotch proclaimed backstage, adjusting a suspiciously large feather boa. "Turns out, these heels are surprisingly comfortable, and the children adore me. It's all about freedom of expression, darling, even if that expression involves extensive contouring and a wig that costs more than my annual tax returns."

The irony hasn’t been lost on the LGBTQ+ community. Many have embraced Butterscotch's unlikely transformation with a mix of bemusement and celebratory snark. One popular meme circulating on social media depicts Butterscotch in full drag, superimposed onto the iconic 'I'm a Barbie girl' image, with the caption altered to read: 'I'm a MAGA girl, in a sparkly way!'

This sudden shift in Butterscotch's stance has led to some concern among his former allies, with one anonymous source claiming he's 'been acting 'suspiciously fabulous' ever since his encounter with a particularly persuasive drag queen at a county fair."

In a statement, Butterscotch's spokesperson insisted that the entire thing is purely about 'promoting 'traditional family values’ through a new, exciting narrative approach.' Nobody's quite sure what that means. But regardless, Butterscotch is currently booking venues faster than a pair of Gucci heels on Black Friday. His next show? A children's rendition of 'Federalist Papers: The Musical' with guest appearances by RuPaul and a very confused-looking Mike Pence.