In a stunning revelation that has sent shockwaves through Hollywood (and possibly triggered a minor earthquake in Idaho), beloved actor Kevin Costner has announced the release of his upcoming memoir, tentatively titled, 'From Dances With Wolves to Drag Queens With Wolves – My Journey to Self-Acceptance (and Finding My Inner RuPaul).' The book, penned with the help of a ghostwriter described only as ‘a gender-fluid alpaca farmer named Willow,’ promises a candid exploration of Costner’s previously undisclosed journey into the vibrant world of queer identity.

Costner, known for his rugged masculinity and roles in films celebrating the American West, reportedly discovered his inner queen after a particularly profound encounter with a rainbow-colored squirrel while filming a commercial for artisanal goat cheese. This, he claims, led him on a spiritual odyssey involving interpretive dance, extensive RuPaul’s Drag Race binges, and a near-death experience while attempting to recreate the ‘Werq the World’ tour finale on a miniature horse.

Early excerpts hint at a chapter entitled, ‘My First Time Wearing Heels: A Story of Self-Discovery, Blisters, and Existential Dread.’ Another supposedly explores his ‘complicated’ relationship with his iconic hat, describing it as a metaphor for ‘suppressed desires and the struggle for authentic self-expression.’ Sources close to the author say his former wife, Christine Baumgartner, is reportedly less than thrilled, describing the memoir as ‘a betrayal of everything we stood for… especially the proper way to wear a Stetson.’

The literary world is abuzz with speculation. Will the book win a Pulitzer Prize? Will it inspire a Broadway musical starring a diverse cast of drag kings and country singers? Only time will tell. But one thing’s for certain: Kevin Costner’s coming out story is about to become the ultimate woke-and-roll tale, proving that even the most stoic cowboys can discover their fabulous inner selves, one sparkly boot at a time.