In a shocking turn of events that has sent shockwaves through the heteronormative community (and possibly caused a small earthquake in Texas), action movie star Chad Thundercock vehemently denied recent rumors of his bisexuality, only to immediately announce his participation in a new 'RuPaul's Drag Race' spin-off, titled, 'RuPaul's Drag Race: Chad's Chad-astically Queer Quest.'

The denial came in the form of a strongly worded Instagram post featuring Chad flexing shirtless with the caption: "I'm a straight man, ladies! … Unless… you know… one of you ladies also happens to… uh… have a… beard? And… biceps? It's complicated." The post inexplicably ended with a GIF of a glitter-bomb explosion.

Sources close to Chad (who insist on remaining anonymous because they are actively employed by Chad and fear for their jobs) confirmed that Chad's decision followed a 'life-changing' viewing of season 15 of RuPaul's Drag Race, featuring the iconic lip-sync assassin, Luxx Noir London. One source whispered, "He said Luxx's death drop alone awakened something within him... something… pastel… and fabulous."

The new spin-off promises a truly queer experience. According to RuPaul, "Chad's gonna learn to sew, learn to sashay, and learn to accept that his masculinity doesn't have to be defined by the size of his… uh… firearms." The show also features guest judges such as AOC, Elon Musk (dressed in drag, obviously), and a rotating panel of Chad Thundercock's confused, yet supportive, ex-girlfriends.

Critics have already hailed the show as 'a masterpiece of subversion,' 'a glorious mess,' and 'a truly effective tool in the ongoing crusade to finally make heterosexuality the slightly awkward, less popular choice.' Conservative groups are less enthused, however, staging a protest outside of the studio with signs reading 'Save Chad!' and 'Return Chad to his natural habitat: action movies where he can beat people up in a very straight manner.' Predictably, the protest ended with a spontaneous drag show organized by the counter-protesters who conveniently had a full makeup kit and wardrobe stashed in their van.

Stay tuned for more developments in this rapidly unfolding, undeniably fabulous saga. And remember, kids: Stay queer, stay fabulous, and don’t forget to tip your drag queens.