In a shocking twist that's simultaneously baffling and utterly predictable, Barnaby Ray Cyrus, distant cousin of the legendary mullet-rocking Billy Ray, has publicly decried the use of gender-neutral pronouns, claiming they 'confuse his horses.' This comes just weeks before the release of his highly anticipated album, *They/Them/Theirs: A Trans-Dimensional Power Ballad Odyssey*, featuring collaborations with a cast of drag queens, interdimensional beings, and the ghost of Freddie Mercury (allegedly).
Barnaby's statement, released via a series of cryptic TikTok videos featuring him meticulously grooming a prize-winning llama named 'Gender Nuetrality,' stated, "I just don't understand these newfangled pronouns. My horses get confused. They neigh with uncertainty! It's a neigh-sayer's nightmare!" Sources close to the llama confirm it's currently undergoing sensitivity training.
However, insiders reveal a different story. Apparently, Barnaby's sudden aversion to gender-neutral language coincides with the final mixing of his upcoming album, a 17-track masterpiece exploring themes of interdimensional romance, gender fluidity, and the existential dread of having to explain his musical choices to his conservative aunt Mildred. One track, tentatively titled "He, She, They, Me, Us, Them, and the Sentient Cactus," reportedly features a chorus of 50 drag queens backed by a full orchestra and a theremin solo from a being who identifies as a sentient nebula.
The album's artwork, a kaleidoscope of glitter, pronouns, and what appears to be a small, disgruntled badger wearing a tiara, has already been hailed as a masterpiece of chaotic LGBTQ+ artistry. Critics are split, however; some calling it "a groundbreaking exploration of identity," others suggesting it "sounds like a washing machine filled with kittens fighting over a disco ball." Barnaby, naturally, refuses to comment, but a source close to his llama confirmed it gave a strong thumbs up.
Meanwhile, the horses remain unconvinced. They're still neighing. Loudly. And it’s unsettlingly rhythmical. One can't help but wonder if it's a secret message...or just really bad colic.
