In a move that has left the corporate world simultaneously baffled and erect (metaphorically, mostly), controversial CEO Chad Thundercock of 'MegaCorp' has announced a new company policy: a complete ban on hiring LGBTQ+ individuals... except for Barry Manilow, who's just been promoted to the newly created position of Head of 'Rainbow Capitalism.'

Thundercock, whose previous business ventures include a failed attempt to trademark the phrase 'Straight Fire,' justified the seemingly contradictory policies by explaining, "Look, diversity is great, but it's expensive. Barry, however, brings a certain... *je ne sais quoi*... to the bottom line. Plus, I love his music. It's very... *straightforward*. Get it? Straightforward?",

The move has sparked heated debate, with social justice warriors tripping over themselves to interpret it in various ways. Some claim it's a brilliant example of performative allyship, cleverly highlighting the hypocrisy of corporate diversity initiatives. Others see it as evidence of a hidden agenda – a cunning attempt by Thundercock to manipulate the LGBTQ+ community into thinking they're winning while secretly furthering the cause of... well, we're not entirely sure what, but it involves a lot of spreadsheets and possibly a very expensive yacht.

Barry himself remained tight-lipped, offering only a cryptic statement: "Can’t fight City Hall, darling, but I can certainly redecorate it with tasteful rainbows." His office is reportedly being redesigned with an emphasis on pastel colors and disco balls. The only company-wide meeting he’s scheduled is said to feature a mandatory karaoke session featuring his greatest hits. Those who refuse to participate risk being replaced by a less… *melodically* challenged individual.

Meanwhile, a petition demanding Thundercock’s resignation, signed primarily by people who mispronounced his name in the comments section, has reached well over 1,000 signatures. Unsurprisingly, the majority of those signatures are, in fact, Barry Manilow’s. He’s apparently a big believer in the power of strategic petitioning. Or maybe he just really likes pens.

Whatever the case, this situation is one giant, glitter-covered paradox wrapped in a flamboyant bow. And honestly, we're here for it.