In a shocking turn of events that has left conservative pundits clutching their pearls (and possibly their Bibles), Mayor Mildred McMillan, known for her staunch opposition to ‘the whole rainbow agenda,’ has inadvertently funded the city’s new, state-of-the-art LGBTQ+ health center. Sources say the mix-up occurred when Mayor McMillan, while attempting to fund a new ‘pro-family values’ initiative involving tax-payer funded trips to the Creation Museum for ‘at-risk youth’, accidentally typed ‘LGBTQ+ Health Center’ into the city budget software.
"It was a simple typo," McMillan insisted, dabbing away a suspiciously glittering tear, "My finger slipped. I meant to write ‘Pro-Family Values Center,’ naturally focusing on traditional family values and the virtues of…uh… heterosexual procreation… But the software auto-corrected, obviously a sign of the woke agenda infiltrating our very computer systems!"
The resulting health center, lavishly decorated in a technicolor explosion of glitter and rainbows, is reportedly offering services ranging from hormone replacement therapy to drag queen story time for toddlers.
"We’re not just providing healthcare," explains Dr. Laverne Coxwell, the center’s director (no relation to Laverne Cox, they insist – though a suspiciously similar handbag was spotted in her office), "We're offering a holistic approach to well-being. We have a dedicated meditation room equipped with crystals, a weekly RuPaul’s Drag Race viewing party with post-episode therapy sessions, and a fully stocked library featuring only the most ‘woke’ literature, including the critically acclaimed ‘Fifty Shades of Gay’.”
Meanwhile, outrage is brewing amongst the city's more...traditional residents. One irate citizen, Barnaby Butterfield, was quoted saying, "This is an outrage! Next thing you know, they’ll be forcing us to watch ‘Pose’ and eat kale smoothies! The very fabric of society is unraveling!", before quickly adding, "Though, the drag queen story time does sound kinda fun...".
The incident has sparked a flurry of online activity, with #AccidentalQueerFunding trending globally. Experts predict this unexpected boon for the LGBTQ+ community will lead to further 'accidental' funding of similar initiatives nationwide, possibly even leading to a future where all public bathrooms are gender neutral and all state senators have pride flags hanging from their desks. We’ll keep you updated if Mayor McMillan accidentally funds a nationwide gender-affirming care program. Stay tuned!
