In a stunning development that has sent shockwaves through the scientific community (and possibly broken a few heteronormative teacups), renowned geneticist Dr. Chad Thundercock has announced that LGBTQ+ genes simply don't exist. His groundbreaking research, published in the prestigious journal *Queer Theory Quarterly*, involves meticulously analyzing his own DNA – a process that, he admits, involved a lot of awkward staring into a mirror while humming 'Dancing Queen.'

Dr. Thundercock's conclusion? 'It's all just… vibes, man. Pure, unadulterated, fabulous vibes.' He then proceeded to marry his long-time partner, flamboyant interior designer Chad Thundercock Jr. (no relation… or is there?), in a lavish ceremony officiated by RuPaul himself. The ceremony featured a surprise performance by the Village People and a three-tiered cake shaped like a giant rainbow unicorn riding a rocket ship powered by glitter and acceptance.

The scientific community is, understandably, divided. Some are calling for a full retraction, arguing that Dr. Thundercock's methodology involved an excessive amount of tequila and the questionable use of a Ouija board. Others hail him as a visionary, claiming his work proves that science is finally catching up with the fact that the only gene that matters is the 'love conquers all' gene (patent pending).

'This is a watershed moment,' said flamboyant activist and renowned drag queen, Trixie Mattel, in a statement released via Twitter. 'It finally explains why I'm so fabulous. It's not my genes, it's my *vibes*. And my killer contouring.'

Meanwhile, Dr. Thundercock is reportedly planning a follow-up study to determine if heterosexuality is caused by a lack of glitter in one's diet. He refuses to comment on whether his research was funded by the surprisingly progressive Big Gay Oil corporation.