In a shocking turn of events that has sent ripples (and glitter) through the usually staid world of evangelical Christianity, Pastor Thaddeus Butterfield of the 'Praise the Lord and Pass the Chardonnay' megachurch accidentally came out during Sunday's sermon.
The incident occurred mid-rant about the evils of 'rainbow-colored sin.' While passionately decrying the supposed 'lifestyle choices' of 'those people', Butterfield stumbled over his words, blurting out, "...and I, myself, have found...unexpected joy... in...well, let's just say, *RuPaul's Drag Race* marathons and a rather fetching pair of knee-high rainbow boots."
The congregation, initially stunned into silence, erupted into a cacophony of gasps, shrieks, and the faint sound of someone frantically Googling 'What does 'sissy' actually mean?'. One elderly woman reportedly fainted, clutching a well-worn copy of the 'Left Behind' series.
Butterfield, clearly mortified, attempted damage control. "Brothers and sisters!" he stammered, "I meant to say… the *devil* has rainbow boots! Yes! Satanic rainbow boots of temptation! That's it! Avoid them at all costs! Especially the ones with the little sparkly buckles!"
However, the damage was done. Social media went into overdrive, with hashtags like #PastorComingOut, #HolyGayMarriage, and #AccidentalRevelation trending worldwide. One particularly witty tweet read: "God works in mysterious ways… and apparently, through a very flamboyant slip of the tongue."
Theological experts are now debating whether Butterfield's accidental confession constitutes a divine intervention, a sign of the apocalypse, or simply a very poorly written sermon. Some are even speculating that the entire episode was a carefully orchestrated publicity stunt to boost church attendance – a theory fueled by the mysteriously high sales of rainbow-colored communion wafers following the incident.
Meanwhile, Butterfield is reportedly undergoing intense spiritual counseling… and a rather extensive wardrobe makeover, rumored to include a fabulous collection of sequined stoles.
Stay tuned for further updates on this developing story, folks. This is going to be more fabulous than a Cher concert in Vegas!
