In a stunning display of…well, something, Pastor Ezekiel Bile, known for his fiery sermons against the ‘rainbow menace’ and his unwavering belief that disco music is a gateway drug to Satanism, has banned gay weddings from his church. Simultaneously, his son, Chad (yes, *that* Chad), is getting married, and his wedding attire is less ‘traditional’ and more ‘a technicolor explosion of flamboyant fabulousness.’

Chad, apparently a fan of RuPaul's Drag Race (and possibly a secret member of the Illuminati – sources are mum), sported a rainbow tuxedo, complete with sequined lapels, feather boas, and what appeared to be tiny, glitter-encrusted unicorns embroidered on the pants. Eyewitnesses report that the sheer magnificence of the ensemble caused several doves to spontaneously combust from sheer gay panic (or maybe it was just the heat).

The internet, predictably, exploded. Conservative commentators are frothing at the mouth, claiming it's a sign of the apocalypse (and possibly a lack of good taste). Meanwhile, liberals are using it as a prime example of 'ironic juxtaposition' and a ‘testament to the power of self-expression’ (along with a thousand memes featuring Chad’s tux and various pop culture references, including a particularly poignant one featuring the iconic Cher in a similar level of fabulousness).

Pastor Bile, when confronted with the blatant hypocrisy, simply mumbled something about ‘God working in mysterious ways’ and the importance of ‘spiritual growth’ – though it's widely believed the ‘spiritual growth’ in question involved a hefty discount on the rainbow tux rental. Sources say Chad’s mother, a devout fan of Dolly Parton and leopard print, is reportedly ‘thrilled’ with her son’s choice of attire.

This incident serves as a shining (and sparkly) example of how easily everyday situations can become fodder for the culture wars. Stay tuned for further updates – we’re expecting a full-blown theological debate on the sartorial implications of glitter and the theological acceptability of a flamboyant feather boa. Maybe even a theological debate on the merits of the song “Vogue”.

Also, where can I get one of those tuxedos?