In a groundbreaking (and frankly, slightly terrifying) announcement that has sent ripples of both excitement and existential dread through the scientific community, Professor Quentin Quibble of the Institute for Extremely Specific Studies has declared that LGBTQ+ behavior isn’t genetic. Instead, he proposes a revolutionary new theory: queerness is… clonable.
Professor Quibble, whose previous research focused on the mating habits of Bolivian tree lizards (a surprisingly relevant precursor, he insists), unveiled his theory at a press conference held in a brightly decorated yurt, complete with rainbow streamers and a surprisingly effective gender-neutral toilet. He explained that his research, funded entirely by a mysterious benefactor identified only as ‘Auntie Mame’ (no relation, he insists), has uncovered a hidden ‘queer gene’ – not a specific gene itself, but rather a *template* for a gene that can be artificially replicated and inserted into... well, anything.
'Think of it,' he enthused, gesturing wildly with a test tube full of suspiciously iridescent goo, 'like a drag queen's makeup kit. You can start with a basic human clone, and then, *bam*, add a dash of fabulousness, a pinch of panache, and a whole lotta sass. Before you know it, you've got yourself a fabulous, fully-functional, genetically-engineered lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, or questioning clone!'
The scientific community is, unsurprisingly, divided. Some applaud the potential for ‘optimizing’ humanity's queer quotient (a term Professor Quibble coined and immediately trademarked). Others are less thrilled about the ethical implications of mass-producing clones of Billie Eilish or Harry Styles (both confirmed fans of the theory, sources say).
The religious right, naturally, is beside themselves. 'It's an affront to God!' cried Reverend Billy Bob Backwards, 'Who is he to play God with glitter and… and… *cloning machines*? This is worse than avocado toast!'
Professor Quibble, unfazed by the controversy, simply smiled. 'Honey,' he purred, adjusting his flamboyant scarf, 'the future is queer, and it's going to be…cloned.'
