In a shocking turn of events that has sent ripples of pearl-clutching through the usually placid waters of Willow Creek Elementary, third-grade teacher Ms. Agnes Periwinkle has not only publicly denounced the school's new gender-neutral bathroom policy but has also penned a steamy, 10,000-word erotic fanfiction featuring a surprisingly buff, non-binary centaur and a surprisingly submissive, glitter-bearded leprechaun for *Gay Times* magazine.
Sources say Ms. Periwinkle, known for her previously strict adherence to the Dewey Decimal System and her unwavering belief in the sanctity of cursive handwriting, experienced a sudden and dramatic conversion after attending a weekend workshop titled "Queering the Curriculum: Finding Your Inner Gender-Fluid Goblin."
"It was like a lightbulb went off," confided a fellow attendee, who wishes to remain anonymous for fear of being labeled a 'cis-het white supremacist' by the workshop's organizers. "Agnes went from crocheting doilies to crocheting… well, let's just say it involved a lot of yarn and a very explicit interpretation of the rainbow."
Her subsequent rejection of gender-neutral bathrooms has been met with a cacophony of opinions, ranging from concerned parents muttering about "grooming" to a surprisingly enthusiastic response from local drag queens who are now holding weekly knitting circles in the school library.
Ms. Periwinkle's *Gay Times* debut, titled "Rainbow Dash's Raging Stallion: A Centaur's Tale," has already garnered significant attention, with critics praising its "bold exploration of non-binary sexuality" and its "unexpectedly poignant portrayal of the leprechaun's struggle with self-acceptance." However, some conservative outlets have expressed concern, suggesting the story is "too graphic" and "completely inappropriate for minors." A representative from Fox News commented, "This is clearly an example of the woke agenda indoctrinating our children with their degenerate lifestyles. I want to know where the doilies are!"
Ms. Periwinkle remains defiant. "My new found understanding," she proclaimed in a recent interview, while sipping a kale smoothie and wearing a shirt featuring a picture of a unicorn riding a rainbow, "has opened my eyes to the liberating power of self-expression. And honestly, that centaur is ripped."
