In a stunning display of political…flexibility? …Mayor Mildred McMillan, known for her previously iron-clad stance against ‘rainbow-washing’ our precious heteronormative values, not only blocked the annual Pride parade (citing ‘excessive glitter’ as a biohazard), but then inexplicably became the headline speaker at an impromptu Pride rally held directly across the street. Eyewitnesses reported seeing McMillan, previously sporting sensible cardigans, in a full-on rainbow sequin jumpsuit, belting out a surprisingly pitchy rendition of 'Dancing Queen' while perched atop a float adorned with inflatable unicorns and a very large, very suggestive banana.
Experts are baffled. Dr. Philomena Philander, lead researcher at the Institute for the Study of Utterly Bizarre Political Behavior (ISUBPB), commented, "This is unprecedented. It's like watching a conservative grandma suddenly become a RuPaul's Drag Race judge – but somehow even more confusing. The cognitive dissonance is so potent, it could power a small city. We’re now considering the possibility that the Mayor’s undergone a spontaneous gender transition, a complete personality transplant, or maybe, just maybe, she’s finally realised that being openly bigoted in the age of TikTok is a spectacularly bad career move."
The impromptu rally, unexpectedly dubbed "McMillan's Magnificent Meltdown: A Pride of Prejudice-Free Party," attracted an eclectic crowd, ranging from drag queens in full regalia (one was reportedly carrying a sign that read 'McMillan for Queen!') to confused-looking elderly men who seemed to have wandered in from a bingo night. A representative from GLAAD (Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation) stated they’re considering suing the Mayor for emotional whiplash, as well as for the possible copyright infringement of the ‘Dancing Queen’ performance.
Meanwhile, McMillan herself remained defiant, claiming the entire incident was a ‘carefully orchestrated performance art piece designed to expose the inherent hypocrisy of modern political discourse,’ while simultaneously accepting a commemorative rainbow-coloured lollipop from a delighted child. The investigation continues, though many suspect the real answer involves a rogue shipment of ecstasy-laced cupcakes mistakenly delivered to City Hall.
