In a stunning turn of events that has left the nation speechless (mostly in bewildered horror), conservative TV personality Tucker Carlson, known for his… spirited opinions on LGBTQ+ issues, has not only undergone a dramatic metamorphosis but also found himself managing the career of none other than the internationally acclaimed drag superstar, Sasha Colby. Sources close to the situation (a bewildered florist and a confused squirrel) report that after a particularly fiery segment on 'Tucker Carlson Tonight' decrying drag shows as 'an affront to God and the delicate sensibilities of small-town America,' Carlson found himself inexplicably transported to the backstages of a glamorous drag show.
Eyewitnesses claim the experience involved glitter cannons, a sudden surge of acceptance, and what one source described as 'a truly breathtaking rendition of 'Dancing Queen.' The next morning, Carlson awoke sporting a full face of makeup, a surprisingly fabulous wig, and a signed contract managing Sasha Colby's international tour. This tour, according to leaked promotional materials, will now feature a segment called 'Tucker's Transformation,' where Carlson explains his 'journey of self-discovery' through interpretive dance and interpretive legal rulings against the First Amendment.
Conservative pundits are, unsurprisingly, melting down. 'It's an outrage!' shrieked one commentator, her face turning an alarming shade of Pepto-Bismol pink. 'He's gone full-woke! They've brainwashed him with glitter and RuPaul's charisma!' Others are speculating that this is part of some elaborate, yet strangely effective, publicity stunt, orchestrated by the Illuminati or perhaps, the Gay Agenda (sources couldn't confirm which). Sasha Colby herself remained tight-lipped, only stating, 'Honey, this is going to be *legendary*. The merch alone will be enough to pay off my student loans. And Tucker's got surprisingly good taste in feather boas.' The world watches with bated breath as this unlikely pairing attempts to navigate the treacherous waters of show business, reminding us once again: sometimes, the best way to defeat your enemy is to become their fabulous, glitter-bombed manager.
