In a stunning display of athletic prowess and…well, something else entirely, Olympic swimmer Chad Thundercock (yes, really) has responded to the IOC's push for gender-neutral locker rooms by building his own at home. Dubbed 'The Chad-illac of Changing Rooms,' this lavish facility boasts not only separate stalls for every gender identity imaginable (including one specifically for those who identify as a sentient potted plant), but also a fully stocked bar, a hot tub with a built-in disco ball, and a life-sized cutout of RuPaul to oversee the proceedings.

'It's all about inclusivity,' Thundercock explained, while simultaneously flexing a bicep the size of a small child. 'Everyone deserves a space to feel comfortable changing, whether they're cis, trans, non-binary, or just really, really sweaty after a rigorous game of underwater basket-weaving. My new locker room is a statement. A statement that says, “Chad Thundercock doesn’t compromise on comfort – and neither should you, darling!”’

Critics have, predictably, gone wild. One disgruntled former teammate, identified only as 'Brenda from Accounting,' reportedly stated, 'It's all just a ploy to distract from his questionable use of performance-enhancing substances – and by substances, I mean that entire vat of glitter he was seen carrying last week.' Others have accused Thundercock of hijacking the gender-neutral conversation for personal gain. However, Chad, ever the diplomat, simply responded with a wink and a perfectly sculpted eyebrow raise, then proceeded to backstroke through a mountain of freshly-laundered towels. Stay tuned for further developments, as Chad plans to launch a line of gender-neutral swimwear – each pair with a small, but incredibly detailed, portrait of himself embroidered on the bum.

The IOC has yet to release a statement, presumably because they’re all busy trying to figure out what the heck just happened.