In a shocking turn of events that has sent shockwaves through the heteronormative community, Chad Thundercock, the wholesome, all-American host of the wildly popular baking show "Cake Wars: Testosterone Edition," has vehemently denied rumors of his homosexuality... while simultaneously starring in the critically acclaimed gay rom-com, "Muffin Top Mayhem."

Thundercock, known for his chiseled jawline, love of plaid shirts, and repeated insistence on the 'natural superiority' of apple pie, released a statement yesterday. "I'm as straight as an arrow," he proclaimed, sweat beading on his forehead, "as straight as a… well, you know. A very, very straight arrow. Extremely straight. This movie? Purely artistic expression! It's acting! I'm playing a character! A very… *passionate* character... with another character. A male character. Who I share many… emotionally charged scenes with... entirely for the sake of art. Absolutely. Definitely art."

The film, which features Thundercock sharing a steamy pie-eating contest with co-star, the equally ripped, and openly gay, Fabio Muscleton, has received overwhelmingly positive reviews. Critics praise the chemistry between the two leads, describing their on-screen romance as "electric" and "viscerally affecting."

Despite the movie's success and Thundercock's sweating denials, the internet is abuzz with speculation. Some suggest the entire thing is a brilliant, albeit confusing, publicity stunt. Others posit that Thundercock is a pioneer of a new era of hyper-masculine gay representation. Still others simply want to know where they can find more pictures of Thundercock in a baker's apron. Whatever the truth, one thing is certain: Chad Thundercock's ‘straightness’ is now officially more complicated than a seven-layer cake.