In a shocking turn of events that's less 'Gavel-to-Gavel' and more 'Gavel-to-Glamour,' Judge Robert 'Bob' Hardtack, the very jurist who recently banned drag shows in the county citing concerns about 'community morality,' has been revealed to be secretly moonlighting as 'Justice Judy,' a leather-clad, mustache-twirling drag king who performs in a secret speakeasy behind a laundromat.

Sources say Hardtack's alter ego is a smash hit. 'He's got moves like Jagger – a drag king Jagger,' whispered one eyewitness, clutching a suspiciously sparkly cocktail napkin. 'And his rendition of 'Respect' is nothing short of revolutionary – he really puts the 'aretha' in Aretha, you know?'

Hardtack's double life has sent shockwaves through the community, sparking an uproar among those who felt his initial ruling was a bit... rigid. 'The hypocrisy!' exclaimed Brenda McMuffin, a local activist known for her collection of vintage protest signs. 'He's practically a walking, talking paradox! Like if RuPaul judged a bake-off and then banned the use of sprinkles.'

Hardtack's lawyer, the ever-enigmatic Agnes 'Aggie' Bottomley, released a statement saying, 'My client is simply exercising his right to self-expression, a fundamental freedom that he, ironically, seems to believe applies less to… well, everyone else.' She added that the 'Justice Judy' act is a performance art piece exploring the complexities of gender identity and the arbitrary nature of judicial power. 'It's performance art,' Aggie clarified, 'think of it as 'legal theater.' Or, maybe 'legal drag-a-thon.''

Meanwhile, the internet is ablaze with memes depicting Hardtack as both 'Bob the Banhammer' and 'Justice Judy,' side-by-side. One particularly viral image shows Hardtack’s gavel subtly morphing into a sparkly scepter. #JusticeJudy #GavelGlamour #HypocrisyIsMySpiritAnimal #DragKingJustice #LegalEagle #DoubleStandardsAreMyWeakness are all trending, proving that the only thing more chaotic than our legal system is the internet's response to this entire spectacular mess.