In a move so ironically tone-deaf it could win an award at the Met Gala, mega-corporation CEO Chad Thundercock has banned all LGBTQ+ advertising from his company's platforms while simultaneously launching a new perfume line called "Prism Paradise," featuring a range of scents described as "fiercely fabulous" and "unapologetically queer."

Thundercock, whose previous public statements included declaring himself a "proud heterosexual" and suggesting that same-sex marriage should be "a private matter between consenting adults, who should also stop making so much noise about it," has defended his actions. "We're embracing diversity!" he insisted in a press release riddled with more rainbow emojis than actual coherent sentences. "Prism Paradise is all about inclusivity – inclusivity of everyone who wants to smell like a unicorn threw up in a potpourri factory."

Critics have rightly pointed out the glaring hypocrisy. Activist group "Gays Against Rainbow-Washing" organized a protest outside Thundercock's mansion, which was promptly met with a barrage of glitter bombs launched from the rooftop, a move described by the company's PR department as a "festive display of solidarity."

Meanwhile, the perfume itself is causing a stir. The scent 'Kylie Jenner's Closet' apparently smells exactly like old money, desperation, and slightly burnt hair extensions. And 'Chad Thundercock's Manly Tears' (a limited-edition fragrance) is reportedly sold out within hours, primarily through bulk online orders placed from locations with suspiciously high concentrations of straight men in denial.

"It's like he's trying to achieve maximum offense while simultaneously cashing in on the very community he actively avoids," quipped one commentator. "It's performance art, activism through blatant commercialization – which is maybe the most perfectly American thing I've ever seen." The perfume line is expected to boost the corporation's profits, even as the stock price remains stable on reports of Thundercock’s impending divorce, his wife finally realizing that his 'manly tears' are mostly crocodile.

Stay tuned for further updates as this saga unfolds, possibly involving a dramatic musical number at the next shareholder's meeting. Only time will tell if this is the peak of capitalist absurdity or merely the beginning of a new era of aggressively cheerful, rainbow-infused hypocrisy.