In a move that has left the nation simultaneously baffled and strangely… aroused, Mayor Mildred McMillan, known for her aggressively beige political career, has canceled this year's Pride parade. Simultaneously, she’s announced her starring role in 'Gay Agenda: The Documentary,' a cinematic masterpiece apparently funded by a suspiciously generous grant from the ‘National Association for the Advancement of Glitter and Sequins’ (NAAGS).
Sources claim the mayor, citing 'unforeseen logistical rainbow-related challenges,' decided the parade was simply 'too fabulous for its own good.' This follows weeks of controversy surrounding her decision to rename the city’s notoriously straight-laced bowling alley, 'The Gay-lanes of Merriment.' Critics accuse her of trying to garner woke points, which she vehemently denies, claiming, "It's not about virtue signaling! It's about strategic political maneuvering… with a side of fabulousness."
The documentary, according to leaked footage (apparently filmed on an iPhone 14 Pro Max, because, of course), features the Mayor in a variety of surprisingly revealing outfits, engaging in interpretive dance to the Village People, and giving a deeply philosophical monologue on the societal implications of wearing rainbow-striped socks with sandals. One scene reportedly involves her meticulously crafting a Pride flag out of artisanal cheese, while another features her bravely facing down a plate of plain bagels, which she dubs 'the ultimate symbol of heteronormative oppression.'
Meanwhile, outraged members of the LGBTQ+ community, though initially shocked by the cancellation, are reportedly now vying for front-row seats at the documentary premiere. "It's so delightfully ironic, it’s almost transcended satire," commented one attendee, who preferred to be identified only as ‘Sparkle.’ Others, however, see the situation as the ultimate manifestation of rainbow capitalism – a cynical play on LGBTQ+ acceptance for personal gain.
Either way, one thing's for certain: Mayor McMillan's latest endeavor has successfully managed to provoke both outrage and a surprisingly large amount of accidental fabulousness. Stay tuned for updates, possibly involving more cheese, interpretive dance, and uncomfortable levels of political commentary.
