In a shocking twist that's got the internet buzzing more than a Beyoncé concert, Mildred McMillan, a fifth-grade teacher from Boise, Idaho, who recently banned all LGBTQ+-themed books from her classroom, has unveiled her magnum opus: a dazzling, glitter-bomb-laden, Broadway-worthy musical titled 'Chad and the Glitter Unicorns: A Love Story'.
The play, which features a chorus line of gender-fluid squirrels and a power ballad about the joys of polyamorous prairie dogs, has already garnered rave reviews from critics who describe it as 'the most aggressively flamboyant thing since RuPaul's Drag Race went to Mars'. McMillan, in an exclusive interview (conducted while wearing a full-length rainbow sequined jumpsuit), stated that banning the books was 'a necessary evil' to inspire her artistic genius. 'The creative block was intense,' she confided, 'until I realized the sheer comedic potential of banning something to create something even MORE flamboyant.'
Naturally, the conservative parent group, 'Moms for Morality and Mildly Beige Bookshelves', is up in arms. Their spokesperson, Brenda Buttercup (whose daughter plays the part of a supportive, if slightly confused, prairie dog), accused McMillan of a deliberate attempt to 'indoctrinate' her students with 'queer agendas' and 'sparkly depravity'. 'It's all very...*sparkly*. Too sparkly,' she muttered, adjusting her sensible beige cardigan.
Meanwhile, McMillan is already drafting her next masterpiece: a five-hour-long opera about the complexities of asexual tardigrades. When asked if she plans to ban any more books to jumpstart her muse, she simply winked and said, 'Honey, the possibilities are as endless as the rainbow. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to get back to rehearsing the tap-dancing polar bears.' The play, naturally, features an emotionally resonant subplot involving a closeted penguin and his journey to self-acceptance. And a catchy tune about the merits of non-binary mollusks. Because why not?
Stay tuned for updates as this story unfolds – buckle up, buttercups, it's going to be a *wild* ride.
